Finally, a package that thinks your funny bone is more important than your productivity rating.
Do you grow cross-eyed from word processing or number crunching all week long? By Friday, are you tired of being productive? Sierra On-Line has come to your rescue with America's newest (and only) leading nonproductivity tool, The Laffer Utilities 4.01. These utilities liberate your computer from work and optimize its entertainment potential. Billed as being "for everything you do at the office that has nothing to do with work," Laffer Utilities provides you with nonproductive pastimes that make you look busy when you're doing absolutely nothing worthwhile.
Al Lowe, creator of the award-winning Leisure Suit Larry games (starring that lovable loser, Larry Laffer), pumped his trademark humor into these zany utilities. Little wonder, then, that the first version of Laffer Utilities is 4.01 rather than 1.0. Or that the innocuous title was designed to slip easily through Purchasing and onto your desk. Lowe has done everything to trick your boss into thinking that this package will make you more productive.
Not that Laffer Utilities isn't just as useful, and even more interesting, than the popular productivity-enhancing Norton Utilities. Let's face it--how can you compare such a boring task as defragmenting your hard disk to the Laffer Jokes utility? Jokes is a database containing hundreds of jokes delivered in random order by Larry at your request. By setting the Filthometer (ranging from Pure to Filthy) and the Laffometer (ranging from Dumb to Bust a Gut), you can control the jokes' color and humor content. Here's one of the clean jokes: "For years we thought my uncle was a hunchback. Turns out he just didn't know that suspenders were adjustable."
The Whattodo utility is for those who would rather let someone else, even Larry Laffer, make decisions for them. It's very easy to use, and it has some useful information. Here's a real example--and my first-time try, honest! The question: "Should I vote for Bush, Clinton, or Perot?" The Whattodo answer: "You really should not."
Excuses and Headline are also fun. The first offers a list of excuses you can use to explain why your review of Laffer Utilities or any other real work is late. Headline creates a humorous tabloid headline to entertain you--something like "Elvis Clones Write Book--Fortune-teller Reveals All." To make things even more interesting, and sometimes embarrassing, it will take names from Phone, another Laffer utility.
The Sayings utility presents you with the wit and wisdom of Larry Laffer (yes, he does have a little). You get saying like "If you laid all the economists in the world end to end, they still wouldn't reach a conclusion."
Check the Horoscope utility to discover why things are the way they are. Here you'll read humorous "horror-scopes" such as this one for Leo: "Your evil twin from a parallel universe is wrecking your life. Oh well."
WDUWTGFL is perhaps the greatest, most utilitarian utility in the history of computers, helping you to answer one of the oldest and hardest questions of all, "Where Do U Want To Go For Lunch?" Set the Qualometer and Buckometer, and you can sort restaurants by quality of food and overall prices. You can, of course, add real local restaurants to the database and categorize them by type of food as well as by quality and price as already mentioned.
by Ralph Roberts